ON TURNING 40, AND OUTWITTING "MID-LIFE CRISIS"

I hear a lot of people go through “mid-life crisis” at 40. Since I turned 40 in April this year, I’ve been on the look-out for any signs of it. Although I haven’t seen any yet, I made the decision that I want to be prepared in the event I do. I know if I am prepared and my faith is strong I can meet any challenge head on and work through it successfully for a positive outcome.

So . . . I sat down and started to prepare for the possibility of a mid-life crisis. It wasn’t long before I came up with a list of 40 things that I feel led to do now that I’m 40. Now that I had my plan, I needed a way to hold myself accountable and look for support.

What better way to hold myself accountable than to make my list public by posting it here? I realize that holding myself accountable is only part of the equation, however. I know that I cannot accomplish these items on my own, so I also ask for your prayers and support as I work through my list.

Additionally, my hope is that by sharing it with you, you may be inspired to dream big as I’ve allowed myself to do. I would love to hear from you if something here inspires you to think bigger and bolder than you would otherwise.

1. Prepare my daughters to become awesome wives and mothers.

2. Love and support my wife in her life’s journey to become all that God has predestined her to be.

3. Be available to my relatives with all of my heart and soul.

4. Model a new narrative for Black males growing up in Atlanta’s inner city.

Ralph Berry, educator/coach Sylvan Hills Middle School; Tezra Holmes (Vernard's mother), L.E.A.D. Ambassador Vernard Kennedy, New Schools at Carver; C.J. Stewart

5. Teach the Gospel and God’s word to millions throughout the world via blog postings, personal public testimony, a book and my daily actions.

6. Incorporate the game of baseball into the lives of Black males growing up in Atlanta’s inner city and use it as a tool to provide for their spiritual and personal development.

7. Through baseball, bring racially and economically diverse communities together to solve racism and poverty in Atlanta and the world.

8. Identify, and collaborate with, 40 intentional people throughout the world to solve racism, poverty and education reform.

9. Mentor my L.E.A.D. successor to hit the ground running as L.E.A.D. CEO in 2025.

10. Be a change agent who inspires and serves Atlanta Public Schools to empower its students so that, annually, at least 100 new Atlanta Public Schools alumnae attend and graduate college, work in a career of their choosing, and each donate $1,000.00 per year to Atlanta Public Schools.

BY 2020

11. Annually, through Diamond Directors, directly mentor 100 baseball coaches located throughout the world.

12. Create a forum and facilitate conversation with all NCAA Division 1 coaches on the topic of racism and inclusion.

13. Write and publish my first book to inspire others to view their failures as opportunities to grow in service to God and humanity.

14. Establish and accompany our L.E.A.D. Ambassadors on the first annual trip to Japan that includes a service project, a baseball game between the Ambassadors and Japanese high school students, and a tour of Japanese primary schools, as well as colleges and universities.

BY 2025

15. Mentor Pastors of Elizabeth Baptist Church.

16. Mentor a host of Black males that will represent billions of dollars of the U.S. economy on an annual basis.

17. Mentor 10 Black males so that they will all serve Major League Baseball as C-level executives.

18. Be a world renowned model of hope and happiness for Atlanta’s Black families.

My youth league football coach Bernard Terrell, C.J. Stewart and my father Willie Stewart
Photo credit: Audra Starr

19. Be a change agent who inspires and serves Atlanta Public Schools and inner city Atlanta communities to make the necessary changes that will result in an increase of the percentage of Black males graduating high school from 40% to 70%, annually.

20. Be a change agent who inspires and serves the Atlanta Public School Department of Athletics to do what is necessary to ensure that, on average, 100 student-athletes annually will receive National Letters of Intent for NCAA Division 1 schools.

21. Be a change agent who inspires and serves the community to create 1,000 new significant jobs in Atlanta.

22. Be debt free.

23. Operate a human resource development facility, L.E.A.D. Center For Youth, that will be home to 100 Ambassadors and will have the primary focus of preparing the Ambassadors for leadership positions in the community, education and commerce.

BY 2026

24. Watch my oldest daughter Mackenzi bring millions into a relationship with Christ through the notoriety she receives on tour as a professional tennis player.

Mackenzi Stewart age 14
Photo credit: Thomas Morse

BY 2030

25. Indirectly mentor 100,000 baseball coaches annually around the world through a baseball coach’s association and baseball coach development certification program offered by my company, Diamond Directors.

26. Indirectly mentor 500,000 baseball players annually around the world through a baseball players’ association and baseball player development certification program offered by my company, Diamond Directors.

27. Inspire the creation of a strict alliance of organizations whose collective mission it is to empower Black students to graduate from high school and college, and become employed in a career of their choosing by setting and promoting those expectations.

28. Mentor Atlanta's Mayors.

29. Be a change agent who inspires and serves college baseball coaches and administration to make necessary program changes that will result in a 50% increase of Black males competing at the NCAA Division 1 level.

30. Mentor Black baseball coaches so that they represent at least 30% of coaches at the NCAA Division 1 Baseball.

31. Support my daughters, Mackenzi and Mackenna, in their desire to use their experiences through tennis to encourage 500 Black girls from Atlanta Public Schools to take up tennis and, through that, influence and empower them to graduate from high school, apply and enroll, and graduate from college.

32. Continue my service as Deacon and use my testimony to help Elizabeth Baptist Church grow its active membership to 50,000.

33. Be witness to at least 1,000,000 people that I mentor, directly or indirectly, that have developed a clear and concise personal mission statement as well as realizing their calling in life, gift and talent.

34. Know of at least 20 L.E.A.D. Ambassadors who have become LEAD Atlanta and/or Leadership Atlanta alums.

35. Know of at least 20 L.E.A.D. Ambassadors who are members of American Enterprise Institute.

36. Coach baseball skills to 10,000 athletes in impoverished countries as a means of allowing them to receive a baseball scholarship to a U.S. university.

BY 2032

37. Watch my youngest daughter, Mackenna, bring millions into a relationship with Christ through the notoriety she receives on tour as a professional tennis player.

My wife Kelli Stewart, C.J. Stewart, and Mackenna Stewart age 8
Photo credit: Thomas Morse

BY 2040

38. Mentor U.S. Senators representing Georgia.

39. Be a change agent who inspires and serves Atlanta’s residential and business communities to effect change that results in significantly closing the economic gap between the wealthy and poor in Atlanta.

40. Know at least one L.E.A.D. Ambassador as an industry leader in the following sectors: Media, including broadcast and internet, Elementary and Secondary School Education, both public and private; and Financial.

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Preparing Youth To Lead When They Leave

As youth development professionals, we spend a good deal of our time preparing students on how to get things: an internship, a job, a mentor, etc. We do not, however, spend enough time teaching them the proper way to leave the internship, job or mentorship. As a result, we are developing a generation of young people who have an idea on how to create relationships, but do not know how to maintain them.

As the CEO of L.E.A.D. (Launch, Expose, Advise, Direct), I am always aware that our organization will not always be the right fit for every young man who enters our middle school pipeline. Even still, those who make it to the Ambassador Program don’t always finish the course. My mentor Bill McLellan once told me, ‘95% of the falls in mountain climbing occur in the last 5% of the climb’. Sometimes we just don’t finish things well, but we don’t have to go through life burning bridges.

Below are three ways that our organization prepares our Ambassadors to lead when they leave; either through program completion or attrition:

• Discuss the end at the beginning: Kelli and I have a 14-year-old daughter who is a beautiful girl in spirit and beauty. Undoubtedly, we are entering the stage of teenage life that most parents dread: dating. Although Mackenzi is at least a year or more from having a boyfriend (emphasis on ‘or more’), she knows the one question that any young man who asks to be in her presence must answer – ‘How are you going to break up with my daughter?’ As my mentor Dr. Covey says, we have to begin with the end in mind. When everybody’s heart is gushing at the beginning of a new relationship, that’s the best time to talk about how each party will behave when and if it becomes necessary to part ways.

• Evaluate Commitment Daily: Earning and keeping the Ambassador status is not an easy thing to do. I often equate our programming to the Military Academies; this isn’t for the general enlisted, but for young men who are willing to submit themselves to training that will test them on a daily basis in various areas of their lives. If an Ambassador is not asking himself everyday, ‘Do I really want to do this?’, then we aren’t doing our jobs right. Young people under your leadership should be encouraged to revaluate their commitment to your organization each day. This pause allows them to not only reflect, but to also recommit themselves for the challenges ahead.

• Don’t Be Afraid of Attrition: There are those who equate attrition to poor service and poor leadership and this assertion is true, sometimes. Attrition can also be attributed to choice. Sometimes people leave because they are not willing to adhere to the program standards that have been set before them. L.E.A.D. is a six-year program; what was good for a young man in the 6th grade, might not be what he wants in the 9th grade and that’s ok. Our job is to ensure that we’ve done all we can to prepare him to be a good steward over the relationships and opportunities that will come his way- whether we’re in his life or not. In addition, we also want to be sure we’re providing the best programming we can, so I strongly suggest doing periodic surveys. The feedback from these surveys will help to keep your program activities fresh, relevant and impactful.

Through technological innovation, our world has become so wide; the way we make it smaller and more personable is through relationships. Let’s be sure as men and women who are leading young people that we are preparing them to lead even when they have to leave.

Special thanks to L.E.A.D. Ambassador DeMarkus Parris (Alonzo Crim High School c/o 2017, Atlanta Public Schools) and Rose Caplan for helping me write this blog.

Thankful To Live Out Of My Wilderness

Life on earth is indeed a wilderness experience and I'm grateful to be a part of God's eternal plan. I share the 40 things below that I'm most thankful for as a challenge to myself because I need to know what I'm thankful for in order to also know what to ask God for in prayer.

1. Thankful to be among the living.

2. Thankful for being a follower of Christ.

3. Thankful for being the husband of Kelli Stewart.

4. Thankful for being the father of Mackenzi and Mackenna Stewart.

5. Thankful for being born to Willie and Gail Stewart.

6. Thankful for being a brother to Nicole and Erica Stewart.

7. Thankful being a grandson to two healthy age 91 grandmothers Elizabeth Dunn and Lizzie Moss.

8. Thankful for being an uncle, a nephew and a cousin.

9. Thankful for being born and raised in Atlanta.

10. Thankful to know my purpose in life which is to be significant and to serve millions by bringing them into a relationship with Christ Jesus starting with my wife Kelli and my daughters Mackenzi and Mackenna.

11. Thankful for several close friends.

12. Thankful for haters.

13. Thankful that I can forgive haters.

14. Thankful that I can be peaceable with haters.

15. Thankful for being the CEO of L.E.A.D. (Launch, Expose, Advise, Direct) who's mission is to empower an at-risk generation to lead and transform their city of Atlanta.

16. Thankful for being the fulfillment of L.E.A.D.'s mission with the support and prayers of people like you.

17. Thankful for being an unapologetic and consequential leader.

18. Thankful for being true to myself.

19. Thankful for John White for loving me enough to introduce me to my discipleship partner Mike Moye. Mike challenged me for three years to memorize bible scripture although I was kicking and screaming at first. And now I humbly serve as a Deacon at Elizabeth Baptist Church.

20. Thankful for my spiritual, emotional, mental, physical and relational health.

21. Thankful for being convicted as a selfish and self-righteous man several years ago and being built up with Habitudes.

22. Thankful that my yes means yes and my no means no.

23. Thankful for loving myself firstly so that I can love others.

24. Thankful for being able to be loved by others.

25. Thankful for being willing to forgive others and reconciliation as well as understanding the difference and need for each one from sermons and teachings from Pastor Bruce Hebel and my pastor Dr. Craig L. Oliver Sr.

26. Thankful for food, clothing, shelter and working automobiles.

27. Thankful for being born in America.

28. Thankful for being educated within Atlanta Public Schools (Center Hill Elementary School, Grove Park Elementary School) and Fulton County Schools (Love T. Nolan Elementary School, Ronald E. McNair Middle School, Westlake High School c/o 1994).

29. Thankful that on November 20, 2011, Atlanta City Councilman Michael Julian Bond proclaimed November 20th as C.J. Stewart Day and L.E.A.D. Day in Atlanta through perpetuity. And that is a day that I can be held accountable by Atlanta to do what I claim to be called to do as #10 states above.

30. Thankful that my friend Rendell Jackson (Atlanta Public Schools, Assistant Director of Athletics) would have the humility to ask Atlanta City Councilman Michael Julian Bond to do it.

31. Thankful for not having to fear another man but God alone.

32. Thankful for hope and being able to dream.

33. Thankful that people that don't respect me are exposed sooner rather than later and removed from life but not forgotten because everybody is special and have a calling to fulfill.

34. Thankful that I can pray for blessings for my enemies.

35. Thankful that I can apologize when I'm wrong.

36. Thankful that I value the power of relationships.

37. Thankful that I now have a childlike excitement to read and write so that I'm empowered to lead for wants right.

38. Thankful for being a Leadership Atlanta alum.

39. Thankful that I can laugh and cry when my heart hurts.

40. Thankful that I can worship God for who He is, praise Him for what He does and the wisdom to know the difference from studies of Boyd Bailey of Wisdom Hunters.

I am a unapologetic, consequential, often misunderstood, transformational leader that is intentional about blessing the world with significant people that I've mentored. It was done for me. My life will have meaning among the living as well as through eternity. - C.J. Stewart

L.E.A.D.’s Servant Leadership Role in Atlanta

Through servant leadership, L.E.A.D. (Launch, Expose, Advise, Direct) strives to empower young Black men living in the inner city of Atlanta to graduate from high school and college, maintain a career, live a sustainable life, and lead Atlanta. Robert Greenleaf coined the phrase servant leadership in an essay he first published in 1970, The Servant as Leader.*

We have come to know that servant leaders seek first to serve then lead. They strive to understand the needs of those they serve with an end goal for those served of improved circumstances such as increased autonomy, improved health (spiritual, mental, emotional and physical), and increased wisdom and freedom. Indeed, one measure of servant leadership is found in Robert Greenleaf’s best test: “Do [those served], while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants?” *

C.J. Stewart giving the benediction at the Georgia Highlands College Presidential Inauguration of Donald Green.

Greenleaf offers that the test is “difficult to administer.”* I have to agree with Greenleaf that the question he poses is difficult to direct or manage. In fact, we may only know where servant leadership was attained in hindsight, but I maintain that we need to apply the test as an ongoing assessment of any program or plan that purports to serve and lead others.

Kelli and I use this test as a guide when vetting other organizations to partner with in fulfilling L.E.A.D.’s mission. In our experience of working with other organizations, we have learned to differentiate between those that are run by servant leaders and those that are led traditionally. Here’s how we apply the servant leadership test, and the three things we look for in an organization’s leadership to determine if an organization is a good fit:

Does the organization’s leadership work with those they are serving to establish a timeline within which goals will be achieved? We know that change takes time but we don’t want to hear that as part of the conversation unless such a viable timeline is discussed for implementation.

Do they understand our needs and the needs of those we serve, in order to create a plan with us and those we serve to achieve set goals? We understand that a plan will take time and effort to execute. We can be patient while working toward goals, but don’t want to be asked for patience unless an actionable plan is in place.

Is the organization willing to define success and discuss how it will be measured? We are big on accountability. Everyone, including the servant leader, is held accountable for their own success under the plan, but it can only happen with a definition of success in place, and how it will be measured.

We consider these elements necessary to the success of our mission and are more likely to work with an organization that incorporates them as well. As we ask of others, we ask of ourselves. We have found it helpful to keep these questions top of mind and continuously evaluate them to maintain our own priority of service over leadership.

*Source: greenleaf.org

LEAD or BE LED

How do you determine if you are leading or being led? I think a good leader needs to know how to make such a determination in order to be effective. I posed a few questions on the subject to the Ambassadors and a few close friends. I received the following from Rose Caplan, and thought I’d share them with you:

Rose: In a nut shell I believe in order to be successful a person has to lead and be led. You couldn't be more clear that you are being led to empower Black males to lead and transform Atlanta by God.

CJ: How would you describe Atlanta in 20 words or less?

Rose: Bedrock of civil rights leadership and as diverse in its citizenry as it is in the economic disparity among them.

CJ: What are three strong indicators that someone is leading in Atlanta?

Rose:

· They are having ongoing success in implementing and attaining the mission and vision of the organization.
They experience ongoing development of close relationships based on mutual respect and trust where both leader and the led learn and grow toward the same goal.
There is an willingness to collaborate with others at higher levels success and influence.

CJ: What are three strong indicators that someone is (not leading) being led in Atlanta?

Rose:

· Their actions, words, and decisions are ignored, not listened to or followed.
Relationships with others on their team are superficial, lack collaboration, are a one-way street, absent the give and take of new ideas. They make decisions and take actions in isolation without benefit of input and learning from others on their team.
They are unwilling to be led themselves.

Rose: Finally, here is a quote I like: If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. ~John Quincy Adams

I welcome your comments and thoughts as well. What criteria would you use to determine if you are leading or being led?

Rose Caplan and I at the 2015 L.E.A.D. Ambassador Signing Day

Sources: http://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/01/17/how-the-led-can-change-the-leader/#31483ff75205 target=”_blank”>

How The Led Can Change The Leader and http://www.leadershipdynamics.com.au/great-leaders-are-led.htmltarget=”_blank”>Great Leaders Are Led

Somebody Told A Lie One Day

"Somebody told a lie one day..." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Nothing has shaken up my life more than the experience I had through my participation in Leadership Atlanta. In addition to the endearing relationships I developed, the program also gave me a gift: KNOWLEDGE. This knowledge has been both a blessing and a burden. 

I became more knowledgeable about various issues that affect Atlanta and the world, but none touched me as much as the issue of RACE. 

I believe that with knowledge comes the burden and responsibility of sharing it, so that I can work with others on solutions to current problems affecting us today. By carrying this out, however, I always run the risk of being "that guy" who always talks about RACE. I become “that guy” that makes people feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, and disgusted each time I raise the issue of RACE. What I've learned is that RACE doesn't exist, but RACISM does and the latter is a nasty disease. I have come to realize that it can be a curable disease in some and a terminal one in others. This disease is steeped in our history - not just BLACK history - but AMERICAN history. It's a part that is seldom told or told properly. I have come to believe that it is my duty with the voice and platform that God has given me to make sure as many people - young and old, all colors - are educated and informed about how our Country became infected with the insidious falsehood of RACE and the disease of RACISM that has resulted. 

I agree with a statement Dr. King made in one of his speeches shown in the video above . . . "somebody told a lie one day". It is important for us to know who that "somebody" was, what that "somebody's" motives were, who the lie has affected and its long lasting impact, and how we can all begin the healing process to right the wrong. 

Consider all Americans family, and RACISM our family secret. Like any family secret, it chokes the life out of familial relationships until it's dealt with truthfully and wholly. In my series of blogs and posts for Black History Month, it is my intention to deal with this family secret truthfully and wholly. Some may not like it and that's ok. I'm not on Earth to please everybody; I'm on Earth to please God by carrying out the DIVINE PURPOSE that He has spoken over my life. 

Dr. King was right; somebody did tell a lie one day . . . but I am here to tell the TRUTH.

I pray we all can handle it and accept the burden that comes with knowing it. 

Here we go...

Note: In some of my blog posts and social media posts, I will provide information on suggested resources that go deeper into the issue. If you have some resources I should know about, please share them with me.

Suggested Resource: 

Race The Power of An Illusion (http://itvs.org/films/race/): 3-part series that can be found on YouTube

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3 Things I Learned in 2015 from the L.E.A.D. Ambassadors

I heard this quote the other day - Never stop learning, because life never stops teaching. I haven’t been able to find out who said it, but I do know I am in full agreement!

I took advantage of many opportunities to learn from life’s experiences this year, and it turned out to be an awesome year! I kept myself open to learning whether it was through my participation in Leadership Atlanta, or relocating with my family from Cherokee County to closer, familiar surroundings in Atlanta. I must admit though, nowhere did I find life’s learning opportunities more evident and abundant than in my work with my L.E.A.D. (Launch, Expose, Advise, Direct) Ambassadors.

Over the years, I have come to appreciate the time I spend with the Ambassadors because of what I learn from them. My wife Kelli and I started L.E.A.D. in 2007 and, every year, our Ambassadors have been teaching me what it takes to inspire and empower Atlanta’s young, Black, inner-city males to live a sustainable life of significance. 2015 has been no different in that regard, and I’d like to share with you three things that I’ve learned from our L.E.A.D. Ambassadors this year.

1. Black Boys want a hero, more than they need a coach.

We live in a time where Black Males have a better chance of being incarcerated than graduating from high school. Where their lives are expendable after thoughts of those in society who are supposed to protect them. Make no mistakes about it, Black Boys in particular are in a state of crisis in this country and what they need now is a HERO, more than a coach.

This crisis is not lost on our Ambassadors, and I have learned from them that they need me to be their hero more than their coach. They need my reassurances based on my experiences and confidence that they can survive their struggles and that they have an authentic opportunity to live a significant life. They need this more than learning how to hit, field and throw a baseball.

I have also learned from our Ambassadors’ successes that I must continue to dig deep and look within myself to be the hero they need, so that they can have continued success. Ironically...soul-searching introspection to find the hero within is exactly what L.E.A.D. is asking the Ambassadors to do for themselves. So the cycle continues, what L.E.A.D. asks of its Ambassadors, they ask of me. I am honored to meet their request.

2. Black Boys want to be challenged, not chastened.

Kelli and I challenge the Ambassadors to become all that God has called them to be. That challenge along with helping them develop a sense of self awareness and core values allows them to correct themselves, most times, before being chastened by others. For example, we know that the Ambassadors are consistently making right choices over wrong ones even when wrong “has a louder voice” in their head.

L.E.A.D. (Launch, Expose, Advise, Direct) also challenges its Ambassadors to lead and become heroes, especially to those young men that are coming up behind them within Atlanta Public Schools. They are accepting the challenge and are successful because we are providing them with the blueprint for positive transformation. They understand that there is a learning curve, and it will be a long and difficult road; but they also know that they will get the attention and resources they need to achieve the mission. They don’t have to dream their dreams alone; we are their allies and our belief in them fuels their desire for success and significance.

Further, as a youth empowerment organization, it is our duty to put our Ambassadors in places that take them out of their comfort zone. We extend their experiences to events at the Atlanta Opera, dining at various Buckhead restaurants, or speaking to a large group of adults about what it is to be a black male living in Atlanta, living in the world.

L.E.A.D. Ambassadors along with Atlanta City Council President Ceasar Mitchell, who is also an Atlanta Public Schools Alum.

3. Black Boys need a pathway to empowerment, not enabling.

There are a lot of aspects of L.E.A.D. that I am proud of, and this one ranks high on my list - we are a meritocracy. Because of this, we have what some believe to be a high attrition rate, around 15%-20%. Some of the attrition is due to lack of funding, but most of it is because of the high standards we set. We are uncompromising in our expectations for our Ambassadors, and when they fail to meet these standards, they are met with the consequences. One such consequence is termination from the program, and when that happens we encounter quite a bit of criticism.

My stance is this: we cannot empower our youth to overcome their struggles by enabling them to use those same struggles as a crutch. Through stories they’ve shared with me, the Ambassadors have taught me how much they respect our organization by reaching for, and at times exceeding, our standards; even more so when they accept the negative consequences for not meeting the standards. Too many times they’ve told me that being in L.E.A.D. (Launch, Expose, Advise, Direct) is the first time they’ve been held accountable on a consistent basis. For some reason, when it comes to helping Black Boys, most folks throw accountability right out of the window. This is exactly what they need; trust me, I know. Not too long ago, I was a Black Boy walking the same streets as my Ambassadors walk today. I’ve overcome similar situations to theirs. The last thing they need is someone offering them benefits or opportunity without accountability.

Photo taken at Booker T. Washington High School, Atlanta Public Schools

Our Pathway2Empowerment model for our Ambassadors includes a K-12 education from Atlanta Public Schools, Core Value training via Habitudes®, and access to higher education via the military and/or the two to four-year college/university system. Ambassadors who work within our model and hold themselves accountable to it, go on to be employed at industry leading companies like Home Depot and Aerotek, and are well on their way to living a sustainable life of significance.

Kelli and I wish you a very Happy New Year, and encourage you to include an Ambassador game or two in your 2016 schedule. The Ambassadors love a crowd to cheer them on. Our summer schedule will be posted later in the spring on our website: www.lead2legacy.org.

Click here to check out our end of year edition of L.E.A.D. For Youth.